I am not your Mother!!

I am not your Mother!!

 

Okay before you get on to me let me explain this. I am the mother of two children. I love them dearly. I gave birth to the via c-section. So, that would mean that I am their mother.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had this thought in my mind. I want my children to grow up to be who they want to be. I don’t want them to have the issues that I struggle with. I hate that for a long time I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I hated my body, my hair, and my weight.  Did hating those things do me any good? The answer is no.

I love my children. I understand that not only will the world give them an impression on who they are, but they have to deal with that at school. Children today are some of the cruelest. I thought dealing with a bully in school was bad for me. Its now gotten worse. Our children have to deal with bullying not only inside the classroom but on social media as well.

Thing 1 is about to be of age to have a social media account. However, I have instilled in her that she doesn’t want to have one. It’s not that she doesn’t want that privilege. She has no need in her life for that. She is also aware that I will have access to whatever social media she has.

Over Christmas break, I had a disagreement with my sister. I love her to death. Thing 1 was given an old iPhone 5. I can’t remember what she was doing, but I asked to see it in order to make sure there wasn’t anything left behind by the previous owner. In my haste to look at it, I realized she had a lock pin on the phone. I asked her to tell me what that pin number was.

I was given the number even though she wasn’t happy about. The issue that arose was “did I really need to have that pin number?” The answer is yes. I am her mom. I deserve to have it because I am not, in my mind, invading her privacy. I don’t go and snoop her phone. (It only works off wifi anyways) I want to be able to protect my child. I have her email set up on my phone.

I want her to understand it’s not about her privacy being invaded it’s about her safety. I have always told her that she can talk to me about anything. We have an open communication. I want to have that with both of my children.

I want them to know that they can talk to me about anything. I want them to look up to me as someone who will be there for them and protect them. That doesn’t mean I am going to just turn out to be their best friend.

I can say on some level that I am like my daughters BFF. That doesn’t mean I can’t still be the mom. I still will teach my children right from wrong. I will correct them when they misbehave. Thing 2 can still be spanked. He gets a warning for his behavior. I will ask him if he is being a good boy or a monster. Then the second warning comes with the threat of being punished. He now is given the choice to correct the bad behavior or accept the consequences. If I have to go as far as handing out a punishment then it’s not my fault. They chose to misbehave and knew what would come of that.

Thing 1 is old enough that a swat on the butt won’t do her any good. However, she is old enough and wise enough that we can talk. I will talk to her about what she is doing wrong. I will tell her how to correct her behavior and then I will tell her what will happen if she doesn’t. I have gone as far as threating to remove her bedroom door, changing the wifi password (I was called evil), or making her tablet/phone disappear.

I become the evil mom when I have to dish out the punishment due to the fact that I am mostly the nice one. As Thing 1 would put it “I’m just scary.” I laugh.

 

I don’t want to just be their Mother. I hate that word. I want to be their Mom. The person they look up to, the one they can always talk to, the person who will protect them. That’s what a mom is.

My mom was a Mother. She worked her butt off. Sometimes she came home late in the evening and wasn’t up to making dinner. She was difficult to talk to and still is. I don’t want that for my children. I don’t want to just be there. I want to be THERE and tangle myself in their world.

Yes, I am a Mother. However, I am Mom to my children. I am the definition of the helper, listener, protector, keeper of bedtime stories, their confidant, their friend, their teacher..I am Super MOM!!!! But I am not their Mother.

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “I am not your Mother!!”

  • That’s how I raised my kids too. They are in their 20’s now and we are still very close. I enjoy them as people, not just because they are my kids. Its not all fun and games, especially with teens, but you will reap the rewards when the are grown.

  • That is a really great way to look at it! I had a great MOM growing up, but my husband doesn’t feel he did. I think this is the best way you could have explained it. This is exactly what I am aspiring my child to see me as. I know he does now, as he is just under a year, but going forward I want to be his everything. Tangled in his life 🙂

    • I have done that with my children. I am learning Thing 1 is antisocial. You have to be invited into her bubble. I have because we are like best friends and it works for us. However, at times I do have to play the mommy role and she understands.

  • I feel like this is such a common struggle of motherhood. Wanting to be strict so that they grow up “right” but also being there emotionally for them so they can open up when needed and not retreat into their own little world. I love how you explained you wanted to be tangled in their world. Me too! Way to go Mom!

  • Ugh, the phone debate. I have friends on both sides of it, and with all of our kids coming around that same age, I am already feeling the pressure.
    We also have instilled in our oldest that she doesn’t *need* social media at this point. While some of her friends already have Facebook and Snapchat, we put our foot down and have said no. I don’t have to worry much about who is seeing my daughter and trying to influence her for wrong.

    She is still learning to love herself. She doesn’t need a ‘Like’ button for that.

  • Nice play here on words, with different definition between “mom” and “mother”. I waited until the end to see how you tied your title to your subject matter. Being a “mom” or a “mother”, it’s difficult to parent in the ways that we see are best for our child(ren). I embrace your honesty.

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