This is me!! I am a mother. That happens to be a title that defines me. I am a woman. I am also on the list of people with a mental illness, I just have more than one. I am a manic bipolar, I have Attention Deficit Disorder ( I think now its called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with inattentiveness), I have PTSD (from the being with my Great Aunt on the day of her passing when I was 8 years old, I have a huge fear of abandonment and body dysmorphic disorder. I also have to deal with anxiety and panic attacks.
I won’t say that it’s been an easy road. Growing up was a hard time. My mother wasn’t aware of the change that happened after my Aunt passed away. I began with the anxiety and panic attacks. I was afraid to go to bed at night and go to sleep. I feared that I would never wake up.
At the age of ten, I was in the 4th grade. That was when I was diagnosed with ADD. I was placed on Ritalin. I remember that I never liked having to take it. It made me feel different. It was when I was sixteen and with the help of my best friend I came off the drug.
It has taken a lot of time to learn who I am. I had to deal with being someone how self-harms. I’ve been told not to talk about it. Why? What good does that do me? It’s just hiding something that was wrong with me. If I had cancer no one would ask me to hide it.
I never cut myself, not really. I have used broken glass to scratch my skin. I typically use my fingernails and scratch at my skin. It leaves damage that looks like a burn. As of now, I have been good about not doing something like that to my body. I have also hit my arms on walls or other objects. It takes a lot of self-control to not do things like this.
I could go into detail on each and every problem that I have. I do not take any medication for my mental illnesses that are prescribed by a doctor. When I was thirty, I did just that. I got medicated and it did more damage to me than helping me.
After some counseling and some research, I got permission from my doctor to come off my medication. I have been free of it for the last 4 years. I feel great, but ask me about the vitamins and supplements that I take. Its a lot, but I would rather take them than anything else.
My mental illnesses make me who I am. There is nothing wrong with me. I am me! I am not crazy (a word I hate). I have tattoos that cover self-harm scars. I am the mother of two wonderful children who are very smart.
I am brave, I am selfless, I am smart, I am kind, I am honest…(I am a Divergent nerd. I love books.) I want to show my kids that they can embrace who they are.
Thing 1 is anti-social. As long as you are welcomed into her personal bubble you are okay. She just dislikes annoying people which tends to be a lot of kids at her school.
Thing 2 had ADHD with inattentiveness. He has the sweetest personality. He is a spark of fun. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I want my kids to be who they are. I want to show them that they can and should embrace who they are. They are brave, they can be bruised. At the end of the day, they are who they are meant to be. I am who I am meant to be. I am their mother.
I have to learn to handle real emotions and take my flaws and learn from them. I have learned that I have a giant heart. I never forget things. My best friend calls me Ellie, like an elephant, if you look up some of the traits of elephants you will see that they have many human characteristics.
I am not ashamed of my past. I am not ashamed of my scars. It makes me show my children that you can be better than what wants to tear you down.
I am strong. I am brave and I am a Super Woman! I am a Super Mom! I do each and everything with a smile on my face. I won’t let my mental illnesses break me down. I will stand tall because I am raising two little Super Kids.
I can have a bad day. I know when those illnesses what to cut me down and I know that I am strong that what wants to break me. I have to show that I am a warrior, not a worrier. As a mom, I can worry about my children, but they have to know that I do it because I love them and that it is my responsibility to raise them right.
I will show my children to embrace who they are. As I embrace who I am. I have mental illnesses, but this is me!
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I do not recommend doing anything without talking to your own doctor. I have spoken to my personal doctor and live my life in a way that I am able to manage my mental illnesses. Not everyone can do what I do and I do not recommend this for everyone.*
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