Loss of a loved one

It’s September 3rd, 2019 and only 15 days from my 35th birthday. Not in a million years did I ever expect to be doing what I am doing.

*I wore pink because I knew my dad would not want me to be so sad*

It was Monday, August 13th, 2018 and I was ready. We had moved my dad three days earlier to a rehabilitation home. I was hopeful that maybe, just maybe, we would get some more of my dad back.

That evening I got the call. The television was on so I went into another room so I could hear the nurse. They tried to revive my dad but he was gone. I went into shock. I had prepared myself for this moment. In reality, I wasn’t ready.

You can never be ready for when you need to be responsible for the care of your parents. No matter how much you think you’ll be ready when you know things don’t look so promising. You won’t ever be ready.

I went into shock. I was now responsible to take care of my fathers remains. If it wasn’t for my dad having a VA Advocate I still would be lost. Thankfully he asked my permission to help me and I gave it.

I live hundreds of miles away. What was I to do? I called my mom, I avoided my sister. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t even ready to talk with my uncle. I really couldn’t process what was going on. My mom told my baby sister, my half-sister.

I remember the call. She told me to find out when I needed to be home and then she would fly me. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for my sister and brother-in-law for bringing me home.

The service was beautiful. His placement at the National Cemetery in Arizona is in the most beautiful location. I know I’m still grieving. I know the first holiday is okay because of the shock. The next set of holidays will suck.

I love my dad. I miss my dad. I won’t get to hear him call me “his sunshine, ” or hear him sing to me for the millionth time “You Are My Sunshine.” It’s hard.

One of the things I learned from all this is to not take those little moments with your parents for granted. One day they won’t be here. There won’t be any more little moments.

I was my dad’s angel and now he is mine.

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